part of MEWL Newsletter Summer 2001
I hope you haven't got the summertime blues, (sometime in May - feeling pretty rough) L
A bit of sunshine doesnt help much, does it. Unfortunately one is reminded of the things we can't do that others take for granted. Yes, summer was designed for the able bodied. Let's go over the park and mess about with a Frisbee or go for a swim. Now such pursuits seem totally reckless, energy management or conservation more appropriate. Its also a time to show off that tightly honed body (not), these days it takes a lot of courage for me to go out sleeveless or in shorts, it doesn't bother me but I feel people are sometimes embarrassed. (I've seen more meat on a sparrow). Just this evening I walked to the local shop to get a newspaper, I try to walk whenever I can, even if the exercise does me in. Some chap stopped to ask me where he could get a certain bus. Whilst trying to help with his requests, he then stared at me and politely asked, "are you on smack" or perhaps "methadone". He said my eyes suggested such. I said NO, but explained I am suffering from ME/CFS and when I'm in a relapse (my usual state) walking messes me up big time.
I knew I felt rough but didn't realise it would be so obvious to a complete stranger. A lot of the time we look OK but feel awful, but some times we feel rough and it really shows. I've had neighbours say "my god what's happened you look awful", which is true, I was feeling awful at the time, but for us that's kind of normal, read the diary "felt awful, felt awful", it becomes very repetitive.
Yes, it does help to see a blue sky, but the benefits are outweighed by the frustration of not being able to partake in its riches, and if you are fatigued the heat doesn't help. Given the choice most people, sufferers included would prefer summer to winter, but the "you are probably feeling better because its a nice day", has little substance.
Since writing the above I've had a remission.J It has lasted over10 days although it is beginning to fade.K
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