Match Reports

Premium Reserves (home)                    Highbury Vale Reserves (away)

Bulwell Rangers (home)                        Real A60 (away)

Nottm P.Welfare (away)                       Noel Street Blues (away)

Real A60 (home)                                  Newstead Village S.Cup R2 (away)

Bulwell Rangers (away)                        Nottm P. Welfare S.Cup R1 (home)

Edwalton A (home)                              Warners FC - R2 Cty Cup (home)      

Chesterfield Arms (away/home)            Premium Reserves (away)        

Highbury Vale Reserves (home)            Rosie O'Brien's - R1 Cty Cup (away)                                      

Jays News  S.Cup R3 (home)               Bricklayers Arms Res. (away)                          

Apr 22nd         Kinoulton 4 - Premium Reserves 4

 

Last match of the season and we're at our temporary home ground in Clifton knowing that we must beat Premium Reserves to guarantee 2nd place and promotion.  Maybe it was an ominous sign when our lucky captain lost the toss and left us playing against a fairly strong wind in the first half. Never mind, we thumped them 6-2 earlier in the season so confidence was high.

It was a scrappy opening with neither side getting control of the ball and few real chances worth mentioning. Then after about 30 minutes Kinoulton gave away a foul about 25 yards from goal. Premium Reserves veteran midfielder hit a well struck free kick past the hapless Johnny 7 thumbs. 0-1. Their second goal followed within a few minutes. Kinoulton defended a corner and cleared the ball well towards the half way line only to see the grey haired one control the ball with his zimmer and blast another fine shot over the on rushing midfield and under Johnnys bar. 0-2. What the hell was going on? It clearly said in the script that Kinoulton would win this one comfortably and celebrate promotion but Premium Reserves weren't cooperating.

 

Half time came and went with the usual deserved bollocking from captain and manager. Another comeback was required from the comeback kids. Sure enough the early breakthrough came with some great work from Marcos to battle through their defence and unselfishly set Darren up for an easy tap in. 1-2. Villa were back in business and pressing for an equaliser but just as our confidence was on the up a long ball over the top and a complete cock up between defence and keeper and bang, a give-away goal and 1-3. It was still early in the second half when Gary decided a few changes were in order so on came the elusive Paul Skinner to inject some pace. Kinoulton were now playing better football but needed a goal to get back in the game. It came in the form of a delightful chip from top scorer Darren Campbell and what must have been one of his best goals this season. 2-3. With Villa on top and chasing an equaliser with several near misses it was a case of shooting ourselves in the foot when another free kick was conceded 25 yards out. In an almost identical situation, Gerry Hatrick curled the ball accurately inside the near post only to see Johnny 7 thumbs move across the goal to cover it and then fumble the ball under his body and into the net. 2-4. With only 15 minutes left that was surely it but to Kinoultons credit the team managed to pick themselves up and continued to press. Some good work through the centre of midfield a chip into the area and a flick on and there was Marcos to nick the ball past the keeper. 3-4. The last five minutes saw Premium raise their game and mount a few dangerous attacks of their own but in the final minute another Villa attack down the right resulted in a goal mouth scramble and the ball breaking to Campbell to blast it through a crowded box into the roof of the net for his hat-trick and Villa's equaliser. There was then 2 minutes of injury time for Villa to get the winner but it simply wasn't enough and the match finished at 4-4 which was probably a fair result.

 

Not the result we wanted or needed in the final game of a good season but that final point could still prove vital?

 

Apr 15th          Kinoulton 5 - Bulwell Rangers 8

 

No report but a summary of the match goes something like….

 

No Andy Smith so Gary dropped back to the centre of defence and Lou filled in as central midfielder. Terrible first half for Kinoulton playing against the wind. 4-0 down by half time. Gary and Lou switched positions for the second half but more disaster as Bulwell went 5-0 up. Finally Kinoulton started to claw their way back into the game and by midway through the second half they were right back in the game with the score at 4-5. But the dramatic equaliser never game and Bulwell ended up stretching their lead to 4-7. Another goal gave Villa some hope to make it 5-7 but Bulwell finished the game as comfortable winners and scored another to make it 5-8. Kinoultons first half cost them the game leaving too much to do for the second half. At least Villa showed some character to fight back rather than giving up at 0-5! With that result went any remote hope of winning the league.

 

Apr 1st            Nottm P.Welfare  0  -  Kinoulton  6

 

Spring had sprung on this lovely Sunday morning, and the jolly fellows of The Villa congregated in Wilford for this latest clash of footballing Titans.  Their foe today had run them close in the last encounter, only for Marcos (big lad up front) to save the day with two match winning strikes, could he do it again???…….

 

The match began fairly uneventfully, neither side asking many questions, which I may add was a good thing as “who wants to be a millionaire” seemed somewhat beyond most of the players due to the large quantities of alcohol that had been consumed the previous evening.

 

Suddenly a break down the left saw Gary play a beautiful ball to Marcos, who beat his marker to provide Darren with a simple tap in, with only the keeper to stop him.  Superb football! Welfare started again, but seemed to have little to offer against the now rampant Kinoulton. A string of chances went begging, before Sala notched the second after some sublime skills from Tom Hartly (yes really!).  Kinoulton's opposition were, it has to be said, quite clumsy in the tackle. Each time one of the mighty black and white heroes passed them, a LATE swing of the leg often brought them down.  Now I’m not usually one to criticise the referee but at this point I must just say, that a more inept performance, one could not hope to see anywhere else.  Yes he gave free kicks, but as far as controlling the game went he was PANTS!  Anyhow, at half time it was 2 nil to the country boys, which I must add, is what one of their players called us, “COME ON LADS THEY’RE ONLY FARMERS”, a burley chap was heard to roar.  Well excuse me, you’re only bloody posties, hardly nuclear physics is it (TOSSER!)

 

When the second half kicked off, Kinoulton were a joy to watch, great interplay was the order of the day, and again a hatful of goals went begging.  But before the eyes of the loyal Villa faithful, Welfare seemed to up their game, and it was only down to some stout tackling by the manly back four that saved some embarrassment. Even old Johnny seven thumbs in goal pulled off a few good saves, he fluffed some easy catches too, but Johnny wouldn’t be Johnny without some excitement now would he?

After standing up to their feeble attacks, Villa went onto the offensive. Darren bagged his second, and Kinoultons third to put the match well beyond Welfare.  He also got the fourth with a superb lob, after some great work by the midfield and his striking partner Big Marcos.  The fifth came soon afterwards, again a Campbell strike, and the sixth was scored by super sub Paul Skinner, a good goal it must be said.

 

Now I know you must be thinking that Darren is some kind of goal machine, but I would like to say that he hardly passed the ball ever, shot from everywhere, and at one point was one on one with the keeper and managed to gently give him the ball back and fall over like a tart.  He also missed a few sitters but they were on his left foot, as he said after the game (puff).

 

Anyhow that’s about it, except to say another good performance by The Villa, even though their opponents weren’t up to much.  Just got to beat Bullwell Rangers then, oh dear.

 

Compiled by Phil (the only man hard enough to turn out each week and watch) Hall.

 

 

Mar 18th         Kinoulton Villa  24  –  Real A60  1

 

Now I know what you’re thinking, “HOW DID THEY GET A GOAL?” Well if you bear with me long enough I shall tell you a tail of a footballing record that may never be surpassed. The present foot & mouth outbreak had denied The Villa of their field of dreams, however their beloved secretary and sometimes stalwart captain Rob had been taught to use the phone and even managed to string a few sentences together and find us a pitch to play on. Clifton playing fields was the lofty venue for this somewhat one sided game. Mud and sleet greeted the now nomadic band of Kinoulton warriors, manfully they soldiered on into the fray.

Well this is how the game kind of happened, you will have to believe me when I tell you that I have no real idea in what order the goals went in, but as there were obviously lots I’m sure you won't mind.

 

The Villa kicked off, passed the ball once or twice, it broke to little Johnny Boyle who lashed a shot into the top right corner. Great start! Real kicked off, got tackled, lost the ball, it came to a Kinoulton player, and BANG , two nil. The game continued like this for the whole of the first half, the score just kept going up.  Kinoulton did play some good football, and to be fair Real tried their hardest to stem the tide, but they had no answers.  Marcos  made some great runs, only to be let down by some shocking finishing, fortunately Darren (HIT MAN) Campbell was there to clear up his mess, and put each shot away with some style.  His best strike was an overhead kick from about ten yards out. Each and every Villa player added to the game, though it was very one sided. Louis and Tom played really well on the flanks providing the ammunition with which the Kinoulton strikers profited, the midfield harried, the back four backed foured, unfortunately poor old Johnny (SEVEN THUMBS) just got very cold.

 

Half time arrived with Kinoulton leading 15 nil.  How many more could the yellow machine score? The team talk consisted of most of the lads chatting, but a warning was issued by Gary, to make sure everyone played properly and not to conceded a goal!!!!! A change was made to the strike force, with Darren and Marcos coming off, and  Chris and Paul coming on. As the second half started Real looked on somewhat aghast at these two goal machines, as it was both of them could barely hit the target and the game really degenerated from the spectacle it was into a dire state of affairs.  It did become quite monotonous, Real for all their efforts were really never in it, and Kinoulton were just going through the motions.  Suddenly, after conceding the 18th or 19th, Real changed formation and played five up front.  This had Villa nonplussed, and Real drove into the soft underbelly of Kinoulton (no I don’t mean Rug, he was too pissed to play, he also fell over drunk and banged his head ha ha ha ). The ball fell neatly to their midfield, the chap played a good ball through the Kinoulton defence, who it must be said had nothing to do all game.  “Johnny’s ball” was heard all round the park, he came off his line like a sprinter off the blocks, only to be fooled by the shear class of Reals finishing.  Actually that’s not quite how it happened, old seven thumbs was asleep due to hypothermia, the lack of movement had turned his blood to ice, and not being the alertest of fellas he made another classic Johnny f**k up and they scored.

Well you’d have thought they’d won the cup by the way they celebrated that one. Still I cant blame them, they’d tried really hard, and showed a good spirit, hopefully they’ll do better next season.

That’s about it really, a shit game on a shit pitch, and I got bloody cold. Oh well there’s always next week. Oh no, it’s Bullwell Rangers!

Just a quick run down of the scorers;

 

Darren Campbell          7                      John Boyle       3                      Gary Berney     3

Tom Hartley                 3                      Marcos Sala     3                      Chris Hill          2

Paul Skinner                 2                      Louis Simons    1

 

That was Kinoulton's biggest victory ever, so that’s something I suppose. I just hope the games improve, and we get a result next time.

Mar 11th         Bulwell Rangers 4 - Kinoulton 3

A mighty top of the table clash was how this spectator saw the game on a damp, overcast Sunday morning. The warriors of the Villa were a wonderous sight to behold in their immaculate yellow strip, with pumping thighs, they warmed up stretched and girded themselves for the battle to come.

 

As the game kicked off, the travel weary fans of the Villa wondered what, if anything their heros could get from this match. Bullwells reputation was one of fast paced attacking football, however that was to be severely tested by the magic of Kinoulton Villa and their smashing soccer loving players.

 

A game of chess was how I would describe the opening twenty minutes or so of this absorbing tie. No not a crap game played by old Russians, but a dance of probing forays into enemy territory, swift counters by their foe and more retaliatory action by Villas fine squad. Tom Hartley was in fine form on the left, after his break in the Alps, Sala and Campbell were a joy to behold, the midfield repelled every thrust from the Bullwell players, the back four stood like a fortress wall, impregnable to the onslaught. Unfortunately Bullwell failed to stick to the rules of engagement and went and scored what I must say was quite a good goal. Oh well! Kinoultons retribution was swift, a flurry of passes lead to a corner, the Villa players moved with menace into their opponents area, the cross came in, Garys glancing header at the near post arced gracefully towards the net. GOAL the fans roared but shock, horror it was cleared. The Villa players appealed, the lines woman could not see, the ref placed his whistle into his mouth and blew a shrill blast, HURRAH 1-1.

 

So at half time it was 1-1, and time for captain Rob to give one of his rousing speeches. ”I thought they’d be better than this, we can beat this lot”

And with that the second half began. Both sides were playing some very good football, neither team being able to break down the other. Suddenly a Bullwell break led to a long ball being launched up the park, no problem I thought its going straight to Andy (SUPER CENTRE HALF) Smith. He then proceeded to club down a Bullwell player and concede a penalty (the clumsy twat!). 2-1 to the home side.

More of the same good skills were to be seen, with both sides keen to get the upper hand. Good inter play between the strikers lead to Darren Campbell levelling the score with a strike of some merit. Ah, at last we all thought, a break through. With that Bullwell went straight up the other end to take the lead again, although somewhat contentiously it has to said, as the linesman was trying to light a fag, and the Villa back four were absolutely sure it was offside.  BUGGER

As there were no subs left on the Villa bench, Rob pushed up into midfield to leave three mighty defenders to face the Bullwell strike force. A wave of Villa attacks lead to a great run and cross from super sub, Louis Simons, it flashed across the face of goal, unfortunately too fast for Sala who managed to miss from practically under the bar.  (pillock)

With time running down and Kinoulton becoming ever more desperate, Sala turned the Bulwell defence and put Darren through to lob the static keeper with a stunning goal. There was dancing in the street, let me tell you, from New York to L.A. there was dancing in the street.

Bullwell kicked off and attacked with a frenzy of footy.  A corner ensued from the mêlée, and from that the Bastards only went and scored in what turned out to be the last minute of the game. It was at this point the usually placid Rob lost the plot and decided to throw his weight about, much to the amusement of me. (he’s a twat too)

Well that as they say was that, a very very good game, a draw would have been fair but they are not top of the league for nothing.

So hear endeth the lesson, if you don’t concede shite goals you won't loose!!

 

See you all soon, lots of love Phil. (P.S. I  HATE Tottenham)

 

Mar 4th            Noel Street Blues 2 - Kinoulton 3 (Friendly)   

(thanks to Noel Street Blues Football correspondent for this report)

 

It's the pinnacle of any Sunday-morning-friendly player's career - our own Cup Final, if you like. The chance to pit ourselves against the best, to see how we'd measure up against the 'big boys'. Yes, today the Blues took on the aristocrats of the local leagues in Kinoulton, perched majestically in second place of the Notts Sunday Morning Intermediate League (Division II). Rumour had it that they even train! Deep down I think we were all anticipating a bit of a hammering, but as it turned out we put in an excellent team performance that left us bitterly disappointed not to have got at least the draw that our efforts fully deserved.

 

Maybe our lowly status and (altogether false) rumours that Pedigree had held us to a draw last week led this team of strutting semi-pro's (as in prostitutes) to underestimate the mighty Blues, so we declined their offer to provide a ref and kick off with a mere ten men. As it transpired, we could have done with more neutral officials than the volunteers from the home ranks....

 

For the first time in ages, Martin managed to drum up the same eager squad (barring the absent Bren) as had murdered the Canners last week, and this exercise in consistency paid early dividends in resisting the downhill rush of passing-and-moving from the off. But resist them we did, and gradually worked our way into the match. Tim proved that his spanking Astlg4 boots were as effective as his old pair, and soon a pin-perfect through-ball saw the Villa defenders foxed by the Sleepy One's sleight of hand, and before Mark could intercept him, Paul had shot home from just inside the box to give us the lead. They weren't laughing now, by God!

 

We were subjected to the anticipated flurry of dangerous corners and highly mobile attacks, but a stout (metaphorically in most cases) defence played its heart out, ably supported by midfielders tracking back and tackling with a vengeance. What got through these lines was ably dealt with by Steve, whose best full-length save prevented Jed from chalking up a splendid og, as he nicked the ball off the toes of a Villa forward already planning his goal celebration.

 

The equalizer when it came was somewhat controversial. Yet another dangerous cross, a bit of head-tennis, and the ball looping up with Stev underneath shouting 'keeper's ball'. Berney clearly barged into him, and nodded into the empty net. 'Goal' cried Kinoulton. 'F'g foul' cried NSB to a man. Charlie, a man for whom the novel taste of a steel whistle resulted in an astonishingly authoritative display, pointed to the centre circle, leaving George to ponder 'What's the opposite of a homer then?'

 

Their second, on the stroke of half-time was again unlucky. Young Rockers broke up a dangerous attack in the area with a fine tackle only to see the ball squirt across goal to Boyle who couldn't (and sadly, didn't) miss - please note NSB strikers. So 2-1 down and pretty pissed off, we set off down the hill in search of an equalizer of our own. Charlie changed sides, and was now playing for us, while Richard wandered round the pitch in a daze occasionally blowing his whistle.  Paul became disorientated after being switched to left midfield. At one point he says he looked up, saw a tall, dark haired Noel Street forward in an advanced position, and making the common error of assuming it was himself, shouted 'Paul' and passed to himself.

 

Despite these moments of pure farce, it was still a very good game, and when Tim again supplied an inch perfect cross to Jed's precise instructions, we watched as the ball headed goalwards, and Johnny Evans earthwards in slow motion. 2-2 and a real upset on the cards. At the back we were still under a lot of pressure which we were just about dealing with. Then another of those 'turning point' moments. What a weekend - refereeing controversy at the Leeds-Man U match (that cost Leeds a late winner), at the Real - Barcelona match (that cost Barca a late winner), and now Edwalton. A cross into Villa's area, a header towards the far post which was clearly destined for the net until their post defender casually steered the ball round the upright with both hands. 'Penalty' cried the Blues. 'Bollocks' responded Kinoulton. 'Soz Chaps, but I didn't see it' responded our third official of the morning. The chance was gone, and the atmosphere a wee bit more meaty. We felt robbed.

 

We switched to a three man back line - not because circumstances demanded this tactical switch, but because Martin's elevation to the ranks of officialdom allowed yet another Blues player (Richard this time) to add his name to the long list of NSB full-backs who aren't, as he disappeared towards the away goal and wasn't seen again until we were in the pub. Unfortunately, it could, and did, get worse. A corner at our end was only partially cleared, Rug trapped the ball and layed it off for Boyle to fire goalwards. It could, and maybe should, have been blocked, but typical of this season's luck it wasn't, and we found ourselves behind again. This time, despite our best efforts, we couldn't find another equalizer, and the match ended 3-2.

 

Despite the disappointment, we'd not been outplayed or out-fought. The honour of Sunday morning amateurism had been preserved, and we'd given those league boys a hellova fright. Everyone played their part, and in the cold light of day I'm sure that few grudges will be held against those gallant Blues who were men enough to pick up that whistle and blow it. Who am I trying to kid!!! Though we'd competed well in midfield, and carved out chances against a well-organized back-line, I felt it was a day for the defenders, and that as a unit we'd coped well under considerable strain. I'm proud that this was reflected in the opposition's choice of your own scribe as motm.

Cheers, boys!

 

Feb 18th         Kinoulton 4 - Edwalton 'A' 1

 

With a scrape of the windscreen, your intrepid touch line hero Phil braved the cold and proceeded down to jolly old Hickling, via Cotgrave for Rug! On reaching the pub car park he found himself surrounded by the happy Villa warriors, a smile on every face, bodies honed to perfection, oh and Gary looking like shit from the previous nights excesses.

 

Whilst the hard men of Villa were getting changed, a cry arose from their awe inspiring captain "Bloody Andy Smith, a little bit of cold weather and he f**ks off to Scotland!!" Who could help the Villa out now in their most dire moment?? What was needed was a man of outstanding talent, a man with leadership qualities second to none, a hero! Only trouble was there wasn't anyone fitting that description so I had to stand in. Yes you lucky people, the hard core back four was almost at its best, with only one addition, the back four of the apocalypse would be complete! (a pity you wont get your place back smithy)

 

The game began with some wayward passing from the normally reliable Gary, but all the other team members made up for his poor display. With confidence growing Kinoulton began to get the upper hand on their opponents, some bright moves led to several goal attempts by the Villas fun loving strike force of Sala and Campbell. Football veteran Tom Hartley played many searching balls into the Edwalton box, unfortunately none of the strikers were up to the job of dispatching the coup de grace. Paul Skinner on the right hand flank dribbled effortlessly past the static defenders time and time again only for either Sala or Campbell to waist the chances. "UNLUCKY LADS " came the throaty shouts from the Villa defenders, which literally translated means, MY BLOODY GRANNY COULD HAVE SCORED THAT! At one point Darren (GOAL DROUGHT) Campbell managed to pass the ball back to the keeper from 2 yards out, Ray PSYCHO Arme was heard to mutter, "That was shite!!" Fine words my friend.

Suddenly an Edwalton attack came down the right, Rug was bypassed, the winger pushed into the box, Johnny (7 THUMBS) was glued to his goal line like a rabbit caught in headlights, a soft shot, Johnny comes for the ball, changes his mind, goes back and comes out again, only to see the ball bounce past him into the unguarded net. ONE NIL.

I must just say at this juncture that myself, Rob and every other member of Kinoulton Villa were in no way shape or form to be held responsible for the goal and it was all Johnny's fault. Thank you

 

Half time and one nil down, well the hearty Villa faithful could not believe it! Gary had sobered up a bit by now and proceeded to give what may become a team talk that goes down in the annals of history. An excerpt can be seen now "Come on lads, this lot are shit, what are we doing?" and there you have it. With Kinoulton suitably chastised they went back onto the park with renewed vigour.

 

The second half was full of intricate passing and Joe Cole like skills. From the mighty keeper, through the impregnable back four, the ball skipped and teased its way past the static Edwalton players. The midfield scurried and fought for each pass and ball winning tackle, the strikers moved with such balletic prowess that many Villa fans had a lump in their throats.

Sala lead the attack like a Mongol warlord on the Russian steppes, a blast from his cannon like right boot, one all.

Darren was the foil to Salas epie, a pinpoint strike and the famine was over, two one. A corner saw the rejuvenated Gary net the third with a great overhead strike and an easy tap in for Darren's second and Kinoultons forth.

With time running out Paul Skinner was subbed for Louis the teenage tearaway, and man mountain Sala for Chris Hill, a easy victory really and with no Andy Smith but who needs her with a fit(ish) me.

 

So three more points and hopefully a new winning streak. All I can say is bring on Bullwell Rangers.

 

 

Compiled and written by Phil (player/touchline correspondent) Hall. Back once again, sub man Andy

 

p.s for any of you out there in cyberspace land that don't understand the foil and epie thing, well they are types of sword (HOWEVER IM NOT REALLY SURE IF EPIE IS SPELT RIGHT SO FAIR DO'S)

 

Love Phil

 

 

Jan 28th         Chesterfield Arms 1 - Kinoulton O

                        Kinoulton 2 - Chesterfield Arms 1

 

Now I know this looks somewhat odd but believe me, it certainly was a game of two halves (FOUR TO BE EXACT!!)

 

Due to the inclement weather recently, regular viewers of these fun filled pages will notice that THE VILLA have not had too many matches in the last few months, so in their infinite wisdom the FA (not sure I know what that stands for) rang our intrepid secretary Rob and told him we had to play two games of 30 mins each way. So this is the continuing tail of everyone's favourite bunch of ner do wells and their push for recognition in the history of Sunday footy.

 

THE JOURNEY BEGINS.........

 

With a smile and a song the brave footballing men of THE VILLA strode proudly onto the sun drenched, but frightfully frozen pitch.

The Ref (our chum newly qualified Chris Evans) blew a mighty blast on his whistle and the game began. Much hustle and bustle from both sides seemed to cancel each other out for long spells with little in the way of shooting chances. Kinoulton for their part did not like the more physical side to their opponents' game and began to loose their way. A half chance for Chesterfield led to a fine save from Johnny (7 thumbs) Evans, resulting in a corner. Manfully Villa took up their positions, the posts were covered, the two fine centre halves were like cats, ready to spring at the ball, the midfield dynamos moved amongst the attackers like sharks with a fresh kill in the offing, it was an awesome sight. The only thing that they all forgot to do was to mark any of the opposition players and yes you've guessed it ONE NIL. A free header for possibly the smallest player on the pitch, well as they say in France "bollocks"

Half time was a fun one, with Gary being his usual diplomatic self and Rob telling everybody they were sh.. could do better.

The second half was much the same as the first, a few substitutions from both sides, to rest players (TOM CRIED LIKE A TART!!)

and nothing of any real note with which to regale you. I personally think the break they've had has turned them into jellies, not the lean green footballing machine of before Christmas (black and white stripes actually)

 

Well that's how the first game went more or less. You see it's quite hard to recall every event as a large quantity of ale was downed between then and now. The reason for that must be stated here in print for any sad manchester united fan to read and weep. ONE NIL TO THE COCKNEY BOYS , ONE NIL TO THE COCKNEY BOYS!!!! HA HA HA HA  HA HA HA  HA ETC!!!

 

There I feel much better now

 

Game two saw a slightly changed team to the one that began the first. In came the mighty Rug, old and ancient right midfield general, goal assassin Chris Hill, rubbery-legged teenage sensation Louis Simons and THE founding member of the hardcore back four Phil Hall.

Kinoulton were a different team, flowing precision football was the order of the day (Eh? Ed) a host of chances were not taken but the opposition were slightly non-plussed as how to deal with this footballing force. The Chesterfield keeper took a goal kick, gracefully it soared towards the half way line "Phil's up" came the throaty roar from the imposing centre half. He rose at least 3 inches off the floor and proceeded to flick a beautiful header onto the on rushing enemy striker, who tucked it away with some style. One nil.

The game restarted with Kinoulton continuing to ask all the questions. A good move from the middle of the park saw Marcus Sala race towards the enemy lines, a quick turn, a flashing right boot and the ball streaked across the face of the Chesterfield goal. Chris the assassin roared into the flurry of flying feet and tapped it past a flapping keeper. One all at half time.

After the restart both sides failed to take the bull by the horns and the game looked as if it had a draw written all over it, chances were wasted, passes were fluffed and a general malaise had descended onto the game. With about five minutes to go Kinoulton won a corner, all but two defenders were left at the back, everyone else looking for the winner. Chris took a magnificent corner, which drilled into the box; Andy Smith leapt into the stratosphere like an Apollo moon rocket, and headed a bullet header into the net. HURRAH!! Two - One.

The last few minutes saw Chesterfield launch several attacks on the Kinoulton rear guard but with many fine and fearsome tackles the VILLA back four withstood the onrushing hoards.

 

So a game of four halves was had this day and all in all a share of the spoils was a fair result. Onwards then to the next instalment of "The Tales of a Football Team "by Phillip Hall aged 33 1/2

 

Oh just one more thing WHO THE F**K ARE MAN UNITED???

 

Jan 21st         Kinoulton 3 - Highbury Vale Reserves 3

At 10am it looked like the match was certain to be called off as the pitch was frozen and it was snowing but on Planet Referee the sun was out and it was a beautiful sunny day, so on with the game. Well at least the Refs decisions couldn't get any worse from here on?

On an extremely difficult playing surface the football was about as good as you could have expected, i.e. awful. Villa started strongly and mounted several attacks from which they should have taken the lead but the forward line of Tom and Marcos, were as hot as the snow on the pitch. It was Highbury Vale who ended up taking the lead with a well-taken header, followed quickly by a second to leave Kinoulton scratching their heads and 0-2 down mid-way through the first half. Yet again it was a case of knuckling down and battling and to their credit Villa managed to pull back the deficit by half time with goals from Gary Bernie and Marcos Sala.

As the snow changed to sleet the Ref, wearing his fashionable sunglasses, necked his 1/2 time Pina Colada, slapped on some sun cream and blew his whistle to start the 2nd half. Villa had a more positive half and dominated much of the possession but the chances came and went with Tom and Paul Skinner being the main culprits. Finally Marcos Sala managed to break the deadlock and put Villa 3-2 up with about 15 minutes left on the clock. As expected Highbury Vale rallied to attempt to get an equaliser but after hitting the post and having a controversial penalty claim waved away by the Ref it looked like Villa would hang on for 3 vital points. With only a couple of minutes remaining a headed clearance from Villas defence fell invitingly at the feet of a Highbury player who struck an excellent half volley into the top left hand corner of the net to equalise. And that was that or so you would think. Virtually from the kick off Villa were back on the attack with a good move that dropped the ball into Gary Berney who managed to flick it over the head of his marker, run through and thunder the ball into the roof of the net! Amazing stuff, a last gasp winner, the crowd went wild! But they were silenced immediately by an idiotic offside decision so the match finished at 3-3. The day started and ended with two amazing decisions from the Man In Black (he's definitely from outer space)!

Dec 3rd           Kinoulton 4 - Jays News Clifton 5

Where's a Phil Hall when you need one? No report yet as he's probably still in shock. Allegedly it went something like this.

Villa led 2-0 at halftime so match won, take the foot off the pedal and look forward to the quarter finals. 15 minutes into the 2nd half it's 2-2! Ooopps, better start playing again. With 15 minutes left Villa are back ahead 4-2. Groundhog Day! Two up, match must be over, lay back and have a kip 'til the final whistle. Wake up at final whistle to discover the score is now 4-4! So into extra time and the golden goal…….the rest, as they say, is b@#@ks !

Nov 19th         Real A60 0 - Kinoulton 9

Victoria Embankment was the illustrious venue for this weeks fun filled escapade of the Villa on tour, and with the opposition in the lower reaches of the league an easy away win was apparently on the cards for the hardy stock of the mighty Kinoulton. So with a song in their hearts the lads strapped on shin pads and boots, and made their way manfully to the pitch.

A near full squad was available for Gary to select from, and with the veteran Tom Hartley back from international duty a hard job became a more difficult one. To play Tom or not to play Tom, that was the question. Whether it was nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of an enraged Paul Skinner, or to play him in the wide midfield role that once was the sole possession of Tom Hartley. A difficult choice the supporters thought, but not for the heroic player manager, "Tom you're sub" and that was that.

The game began with the subs Tom and Chris Hill tossing...................a coin (WELL £20 note) to see which one would be linesman, however it would be neither as super trainee ref Chris Evans decided to wield his considerable might and take on the responsibility. (Mug!)

As the game progressed it became obvious to those of us on the sideline that things were not going exactly to plan. Kinoulton couldn't pass, take throw ins or anything else for that matter. I would like at this point to bring your attention to the fact that the pitch was very small, muddy and not what the Villa are used to playing on, and that we were being dragged down to Real A60's level. That may be true to some extent but in reality Kinoulton were playing SHIT! They had a few weak shots, one even hit the post but to be brutally honest it was a tired first half performance, and it must be said if Kinoulton have any thoughts of European football next season they had better buck their ideas up.

0-0 at half time Kinoulton's foe felt they had already got a result, the wailing and gnashing of teeth could be heard from the Villa supporters. It was not a pretty sight.

The team talk by Gary, or rather bollocking that was dished out at the break was a lesson in man management. The youthful right back Rug was subbed for the somewhat out of favor Ray Arme, and everyone's favorite left back Sean Campbell, swapped position with him. The forward line of Sala and Darren Campbell were told to shape up or ship out, and with the talents of Tom and Chris on the bench they looked very worried indeed.

The second half began at a frenzied pace, two quick corners for Kinoulton lead to disarray in Real's box, a weak goal kick was the result, and who was there to make them pay but our fun loving striker Darren. A lob of some merit was the general consensus from the Villa fans. 0-1.

That was, as they say in these parts "the straw that broke the camels back". From this juncture it was all one-way traffic, Kinoulton were rampant. A tidal wave of Villa attacks now bombarded the Real goal, a corner lead to what can only be said was a magnificent strike by Andy Smith. He caught it on his chest on the edge of the penalty area, brought it down, beat two Real defenders and blasted a Beckhamesk shot into the top corner. Actually it was a lucky scuff from two yards out, I just put that bit in cos he said he'd kick my head in if I didn't make it sound good.

Well that was it for Real, they were absolutely dumb struck by Villas silky skills. The next to score was Sala with a mighty drive after some good work by the midfield, another two for Campbell and it became a case of how many can we get?

Sala then generously let himself be subbed for the smiling assassin Chris Hill, whose fist touch nearly netted a spectacular volley. Louis Simons was then brought off, to be replaced by veteran Tom.

Kinoulton now unleashed a fusillade of fury upon the Real goal,  Chris got the sixth, Darren weighed in with another two and a great goal was had by Paul  (LIGHT SPEED) Skinner. An emphatic victory!!

A good win after the disappointment of last week's folly, but in order to maintain the title challenge Kinoulton must impose themselves more onto shambolic opponents and play better football, which their traveling fans have come to expect. Fortunately the Villa turbo charger kicked in at the right time but a better team would have punished them, a lesson learned hopefully.

Compiled by Phil (A BIT WORRIED AT HALF TIME) Hall. Your totally unbribable (2 pints of lager) touchline correspondent

 

Nov 12th Highbury Vale (Reserves?) 2 - Kinoulton 0

"PANTS!" - Mike Smith

"I'D RATHER BE PLOUGHING!" - James Parkes

"Tom Hartley IN SUN SOAKED ST LUCIA, BIG TIT, LESBIAN, PORN SCANDLE" - The Sunday Sport

Just some of the comments on Sunday's debacle that was sadly dubbed a football match.

The weekend ended rather like the week began, a shower! Not the weather you understand but the pathetic display that the once mighty Villa dished out to their travel weary fans. The performance, or lack of it can be firmly laid to rest at the feet of all the participants of the Villa squad. Actually they would probably fail to trap it, miss time the tackle and concede a goal!!!

Inept was how the Villa faithful saw the game, and they should know, as a more inept bunch you could not find anywhere else. Now I know that sounds a bit horrid but the fans seem to forget that they need to get behind their team. I'm not sure half of them know how to spell football let alone play it. They seem more concerned with their prawn sandwiches and champagne than the state of play! We all know that they are aghast at the Villas huge wage bill but it is them that demand success, and that success comes at a price.

Enough of that, lets get down to the nitty gritty of the game.

Cold and wind swept, the Villa emerged from the dressing room, a finer body of men you could not wish to see. Majestically they cantered up the imposing slope on onto Highburys patch. Gracefully they stretched and limbered up, a joy to watch, many a hardened Villa fan wiped a tear away at the sheer beauty of their balletic warm up.

Villa kicked off into what became a quite breezy morning, a few miss placed passes, the odd long ball up to the imposing strike force, of Sala and Campbell, but little of anything close to decent football. With about 20 minutes gone, the normally reliable Andy (IM REALLY TALL) Smith wagged his leg at a Highbury striker, who stepped over it like a chap avoiding dog plop, and proceeded to knock the ball past our loveable keeper Johnny (SEVEN THUMBS) Evans. Nigel (THE OLD BILL) Burnham, right back on loan from the Leicestershire constabulary took it upon himself to berate the usually placid Smith, something our genial center half felt that was somewhat out of line and told him to "f### off!!" in no uncertain terms. At this juncture the Villa squad turned into what I can only call a complete bag of shite (for those of you watching in black and white that means not very good). They couldn't pass, tackle, shoot or do anything a normal football team are supposed to do. The only plus was that James Parkes came back with a McDonalds, of which I had none, as I'm on a Ray Arme diet (BEER AND FAGS).

To be fair Villa did have a few chances, and were not really out classed, but they found hitting anything resembling a shot very hard.

1 - 0 at half time did not seem an insurmountable task. The heroic captain Rob Evans marshaled his beleaguered troops, urging them into the coming fray, steely eyed his footballing warriors marched back into battle, heads held high, shoulders back, and stomachs in (NOT RUG).

Unfortunately they paid absolutely no attention to his orations and continued to play crap!

Gary and John tried manfully to stem the Highbury tide but to no avail, even the substitution of the fleet footed Paul Skinner, for the hard man of Villa John (IVE GOT NOWT UNDER ME KILT) Carolan, could not bring about a Kinoulton revival.

With time running out, a good move from the right saw Louise, sorry, Louis Simons skip past several Highbury defenders a place a wonderful cross into the path of man mountain Marcos Sala, who it has to be said, generously let it run to Darren (goal machine) Campbell, who in turn, generously let Highbury off by hitting the post.

Howls of derision came from the over worked back four of Kinoulton, the main offender being Andy (THE GOAL WE CONCEDED WAS MY FAULT ANYWAY) Smith. That just led to more bad play, from which Highbury profited by scoring again.

Not much else can be said, except it was a bad day all round, and any more performances like that and Villa will be struggling to fill the ground at home games. Fans in these parts can be very fickle.

Here endeth the lesson!!

Compiled by Phil (somewhat pissed off) Hall, your cheeky cockney correspondent.

 

Nov 5th Newstead Village 0 - Kinoulton 5

Cup football has been something of a distraction for the Villa this season. With the league campaign progressing well, the cup can sometimes upset the apple cart.

A long trip up north, was how Sunday morning began, the various squad members arriving at different intervals, thus causing manager Gary some headaches. At one point the dressing room contained only nine players, oh and Rug! Eventually there were twelve, and the game could begin.

With the veteran Tom Hartley away on international duty, it fell on the broad shoulders of the young Paul Skinner to fill the void that would be left midfield. Would he be up to the task? Many of the hardy traveling fans wondered. The front line also had a shake up, with the wiley Chris Hill left warming the bench, and man mountain Marcos Sala, goal hero of this parish, getting a well deserved run out.

The game began, and to be brutally frank, was poor. Both sides struggled to play any sort of football at all. Missed placed passes, badly timed tackles and a real lack luster performances from the very promising Kinoulton line up.

The fans were getting very restless, and who can blame them, some of the talent on that park, earn weekly what many of these spectators earn in a year.

Kinoulton were the better side however and real talent will always show through. With about 20 mins gone, the midfield stepped up a gear and finally shrugged off the Saturday night fever. Fun loving striker Darren Campbell open the scoring, aided by some poor defending, one cynical chap in the crowed remarked "my granny could have scored that!" 

That goal lead to some sustained pressure by the Villa, Newstead were all over the place. Marcos was the next player to notch one, after some good Kinoulton play. As half time neared, the opposition were clearly nonplussed as how combat the onrushing yellow hoards and good old Darren got another from close range. HALF TIME 0 - 3

The team talk by the inspirational captain Rob was Churchillian in its content, an orator of some note, the squad was motivated, and as the second half began the Villa players could be seen to ooze class.

Silky football is all I can say about the performance that the now happy band of traveling supporters were watching. Andy (BIG ANDY) Smith showed his talent at the back with many saving tackles and precise passing to the rampant Kinoulton midfield. Louis Simons the teenage tear-away rocked the Newstead full back with one spectacular run after another. His play was rewarded with a goal. A great run and cross from Simons ended in a bemused defender putting the ball past his own flapping keeper.

With the match clearly well beyond Newstead, Gary subbed Paul Skinner ,who may i say performed admirably, look out Tom! and brought on Chris Hill. With a fresh pair of legs, Villa were spurred on. A magnificent piece of play saw the little Irish dynamo John Boyle jig his way through the now defunct Newstead midfield, and unleash a drive of such power it was unstoppable. 0 - 5

The game was easily won by a better team, but some lessons were to be learned here today. the only one of note that I can think of is don't drive across narrow bridges when you're pissed out of your mind.

THE VILLA JUGANAUGHT DRIVES ON!!!

Compiled by the non biased touch line correspondent Phil (I make this up as I go along) Hall. 

Oct 29th          Kinoulton 3 - Nottm Postal Welfare 2

Back to the league this week, and yet another victory for the Villa. Windswept and wet was how Sunday arrived as were many of the players of both teams. That extra hour in bed seemed to have had little or no effect on the bleary eyed competitors that arrived on this early morning to do battle on the hallowed turf that is Villas home patch. With a jolly step and fire in their bellies (ESPECIALLY RUG) the Kinoulton squad ran, as a man onto the pitch. The spectators wondered what formation the intrepid player manager would select, 4-4-2, three at the back? Who could tell? Well, all I can say is that we were in for a surprise.

No Ray Arme, our trusty physco-like left back!! Sean (my left foot is for standing on) Campbell in his place, what could Gary be thinking? Mutterings were heard on the sideline from the usually placid supporters "what the f**** is he doing?" a dour faced chap with a dog, no names (Mark Bradley) was heard to say in an exasperated tone. "Goodness me, I think that Gary bloke has lost the plot somewhat", another punter retorted. Well all we could do was wait.

The game kicked off with the Villa playing into the wind. Scrappy was about all you could say for the fist twenty minutes or so as each team failed to make passes. Neither side had many shooting chances, the wind playing a major part in spoiling the usually flowing football of the Villa.

Then suddenly, a Welfare break down the right saw the Villa defense at sixes and sevens, Rob the normally placid captain that he is, decided that the Welfare striker needed to be taught a harsh lesson in not making Rob look like a donkey, and proceeded to grab him around the head and throw him to the floor. Oh yes, he threw him to the floor. (GOOD IDEA ROB, twat) The resulting free kick was taken and because of the wind it just happened to fly over Johnny (seven thumbs) Evans, our cat like keeper. (THATS WHAT HE TOLD ME) 0-1

It was at this point our heroic captain decided to launch the ball over the main stand and into the dense undergrowth that the normally very thorough ground staff tend with such love. Now not wanting to blow my own trumpet (if only I could), myself and the jolly policeman PC Burnham, volunteered to fetch the ball. I climbed gingerly through the vegetation, only stopping to tell an old Japanese sniper that the war was over, to retrieve the ball.

"HE'S OFF SIDE REF!!" was the throaty roar that assaulted my ears, and bugger me if it wasn't two bloody nil. I can't really describe what occurred but according to the copper on duty (they never lie do they) the back four cocked up and poor old Johnny seven thumbs got lobbed.

This unlucky turn of events seemed to spur Villa on, and they finally started playing. A surging run from Gary bust open the oppositions defense, he shot, the ball was going wide when who should appear but that Kinoulton vet himself Tom Hartley to kick it in at the far post. Half time 1-2

 

Searching questions were asked by both captain and manager at the break, many a glum face was to be seen in the Kinoulton dressing room. The subs were told to prepare for the battle to come, no surrender, death before dishonor and all that.

With Welfare now facing the ever increasing wind, and the spectators baying for blood, the Villa blitzkrieg began!! Louis Simons, the right midfield dynamo, orchestrated some promising Kinoulton attacks. Cross after cross the rubbery legged teenager put into the box, only for Chris (I WAS OUT CLUBBING TIL FOUR) Hill, and Darren (goal drought) Campbell, to fail to convert. At this point Gary decided to pull Chris off (OOO ER!) and bring on the man mountain that is Marcos Salla. This had the desired effect of bolstering a flagging strike force, and when Salla was brought down, only one man could take the resulting free kick.

Tom Hartley stepped up, chest out, shoulders back, eyes burning with revenge for what Welfare had done to his beloved Villa, GOAL!  2-2

Kinoulton, now fired up began to play, wave after wave of marauding black and white shirts pressed onto their faltering opponents. John (so it is!) Boyle a whirling dervish in the middle of the park, his black socks a blur, intercepted a pass and fed the ball through to Salla and BANG, the goal hungry hit man scored. 3-2

In the dying minutes with the game almost won Darren was clean through on the Welfare goal, only the keeper to beat, he managed to have the worst shot in the world EVER, and people in Long Clawson saw a white spherical object go into orbit. NASA are examining it now. Well that was that and the Villa go marching on!!

(Report compiled by your non-biased touchline correspondent Phil Hall - children's parties catered for).

Oct 22nd         Kinoulton 3 - Warners F.C. 6

The glory of the cup will no longer be within the grasp of Kinoulton Villa this season. A poor display all round was how many of the more seasoned spectators saw the game on Sunday. The Villa performance, or lack of it, was very badly received by the majority of the home crowd, who had until that game witnessed some composed football. "Lack luster" was how one chap saw the display that Villa put on for one of their biggest crowds this season, "Piss poor!!" remarked another punter, as he left pitch side, and headed for a much needed pint.

 

It could have been very different indeed, with Kinoulton starting at a gallop. One of their first attacks lead to a corner, which was subsequently headed home with some aplomb by the player manager, Gary Berney. Looking good for a home win here I thought. Then a Warner attack down the flank, which caught the usually composed Kinoulton back four reduced to an arm waving rabble, as the Warner forwards poured though the gaps.1-1. Ah well, I thought, a mere moment of madness. I was very wrong!

Before you could say "offside ref", the long punt up the field, the back four flapping, and low and behold 1-2.

"What's going on" a less than cheery fellow cried. A good question indeed. Kinoulton seemed to become very disjointed and miss placed passes were the order of the day as Warners played like a well oiled machine. Another cock up in the middle of the park lead to the visitors scoring again before half time 1-3

 

Some harsh words were dispensed in the break by both the captain and the manager, and the subs were told to warm up.

 

The second half started much like the first, with Villa looking reasonable, then a rush of blood, a lunging tackle on the edge of the box, the ref had no choice but to award Warner the free kick. The four man wall looked good, both posts defended, keeper on his toes, and then Warner spoiled eveything by hitting a blinding shot into the roof of the net.1-4

Gary decided to change things around at this juncture, bringing on the now veteran Tom Hartley, and the imposing figure up front of Marcos Salla. This changed the game with about twenty minutes to go, good passing became the order of the day, with Marcos and the fun loving Darren Campbell running rings around the visitors back four.

A good cross and there was Salla to sweep the ball into an empty net. 2-4 Great we're back in it, we all thought, as Warner opened up the Villa defence, and lobbed the keeper. 2-5

With Kinoultons' back line looking ever more clueless as to what to do with the red tide that was the Warner strike force, our man mountain player manager, Gary conjured a goal from out of the blue. He's a diamond. 3-5

 

With time running out Villa kept pushing forward but to no avail, as Warner now sealed the match with the final strike on Kinoultons goal. 3-6

 

Not a bad game, except for the result and the way Kinoulton played, but as that old saying goes " YOU CANT MAKE AN OMLETTE WITHOUT BREAKING SOME EGGS!"

 

No I don't understand that either.

 

 

(Compiled by Phil Hall, your non biased, and usually non corruptible, touch line correspondent)

 

 

Oct 14th          Premium Reserves  2  -  Kinoulton  6

Premium started the game as league leaders and like Leicester City they were in for quite a shock. The game started with Premium in the ascendancy, due to the fact that most of Kinoultons team were "a bit off colour" due to their shin dig at the races. In the first 10 minutes Kinoulton were making some rudimentary errors, which allowed Premium to play a good brand of passing football. This lead to a mistake by their usually heroic captain Rob, and Premiums striker lobbed the on rushing keeper to make it one nil. (BUGGER!!)

After some sole searching and a few harsh words from their illustrious player manager, the tide was turned, and Kinoulton started to play with renewed vigour. A spate of missed chances by Kinoultons strikers (one from 2 yards out and the keeper beaten) led to the first strike by that madcap goal poacher Darren Campbell. Another wave of great attacks had Premium reeling and as the second went in (scored by Gary Berney) it looked an assured victory. With only minutes remaining in the fist half, after more sustained Villa pressure, a cross from Chris Hill (he'll say it was a shot) went in over a flapping keeper and hey presto 1-3.

HALF TIME 1-3

After a swig of water or a fag (Ray), our mostly heroic captain lunged at a Premium player, made a great tackle in the box, and as usual the inept official gave what was in this spectators opinion, the worst penalty decision in the world EVER!!! 2-3!

Spurred on by the injustice, Kinoulton went into full flow, beautiful precision passing, a hatful of chances, and the opposition chasing shadows. Well it wasn' t quite like that but they did manage to knock another 3 in without reply. The manager must take some credit for an inspired substitution. With the game well set up, Gary brought off the young right midfielder Paul Skinner and replaced him with the now veteran Tom Hartley. A sweeping cross from Darren Campbell and there was Hartley nodding it in at the far post. Two more goals from the midfield general that is Gary Berney and it was goodnight Premium Reserves. Like Leicester their reign at the top was short lived.

(Written by our non-biased reporter Phil (I wish I could still play) Hall.)

Sept 24th      Rosie O'Brien's 1 - Kinoulton  2

Rosie O'Brien's fans turned out in force for this one, and were obviously in a party mood judging by the amount of Special Brew that was being downed at 11am on Sunday morning. But Kinoulton spoiled the party with a gutsy performance that saw them through to the next round. The home team started strongest and it took a few minutes for Villa to get into the match but as soon as they did they scored with one of their first real attacks. Good work on the left by Marcos Sala produced a cross that Darren Campbell managed to poke home to give Villa the lead, slightly against the run of play. The goal seemed to boost Kinoultons confidence and their game picked up. The remainder of the half was evenly fought with few clear cut chances however in the closing minutes of the first half a break on the right wing resulted in a good cross that caught the Villa defence napping and the RO'B striker blasted home from close range to send the teams in on even terms at half time.

The second half resumed with some tough battling in midfield and Gary Berney having to endure some late lunging tackles on more than one occasion. Again it was an even contest with both teams pressing for a goal but it was Kinoulton who made the breakthrough when a goal bound shot was punched away by a RO'B defender. Marcos Sala made no mistake with a well struck penalty to put Villa back in front. The pattern of play changed and the game opened up with RO'Bs pressing for an elusive equaliser and Villa hitting back on the break. Johnny Evans (armed with his new rubber gloves), kept his team ahead with a string of superb saves which earnt him "Man of the Match". Villa had a few good chances late in the game to seal the victory but RO'B's keeper was also in fine form and so Villa were forced to fight right to the final whistle.

This was a tough match that produced a solid team performance from Kinoulton, with a lot of hard work and spirit from every player. So on to the next round!

Sept 17th      Bricklayers Arms Res. 0 - Kinoulton 18  

"Well at least it didn't rain!" said one of the Bricklayers defenders as he walked of the pitch at the end of a mis-match that saw Villa set a new club record score line.

The game couldn't have started more ominously, when in the first few minutes Bricklayers lost their experienced goalkeeper, with a nasty knee injury. The lucky substitute keeper could hardly have been blamed for what was to follow.

Villa spent the early period of the game trying to knock birds out of the trees behind the goal, until the deadlock was finally broken after about 15 minutes. Quick successive goals gave Kinoulton a comfortable lead and by half time the game was all but over with the score line at 0-6!

The 2nd half started in much the same vein and a few quick goals soon killed off any remote chance of Bricklayers getting back into the game. By the end of the match their defence and midfield were stationary and Kinoulton seemed to be scoring at will. Unless significant changes are made, it's difficult to see Bricklayers Arms Res. lasting the full season, so 3 points and a +18 goal difference could be lost if they drop out.

For Kinoulton it was good shooting practice (only 3 players failed to score) and another clean sheet!

Man of the match goes to the Ref. for having the foresight to put a fresh set of batteries in his calculator at half time.

 (If you would like to submit a match report please email it to: kinoultonvilla@yahoo.co.uk)