INDIANA JONES: I don’t need any help.

There are lights now.

MAN IN GLASSES: You do, you’re not the man I knew ten years ago.

INDIANA JONES: It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage.

MAN IN GLASSES.: One of us seems to have come to a moment of reassessment. I’m not sure if its me reassessing how I see you or you reassessing yourself.

INDIANA JONES: Didn’t I use to be taller?

MAN IN GLASSES: I don’t remember. You were certainly thinner.

INDIANA JONES: I always wanted t be like Hans Solo.

MAN IN GLASSES: Was there ever a point where you wanted to give it all up and be a normal person?

INDIANA JONES: Archeology is important, how else could we save the world.

MAN IN GLASSES:Was there ever a point where you wanted to give it all up and be a normal person?

MAN IN GLASSES.:Was there ever a point where you wanted to give it all up and be a normal person?

INDIANA JONES: When your whip is cracking and your hat fits.....

MAN IN GLASSES:Was there ever a point where you wanted to give it all up and be a normal person?

INDIANA JONES: When the hat fits wear it and so on.....

MAN IN GLASSES: Was there ever a point where you wanted to give it all up and be a normal person?

INDIANA JONES: Why do you care?

MAN IN GLASSES: Somehow you always seemed to set the standards.

There are no lights any more. A voice in the darkness:

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: I don’t need any help.

Lights appear, he is alone, his eyes have been surgically removed. His hands have been sewn together.,

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: I don’t need any.......I grab them all. Roughly. Stinking and reeking sweat. I stifle their tears in my stubble. I rub their smoothness away with my sand paper cheeks and then caress their raw and broken skin. I whip them till it hurts and they come back for.....

Lights flickers to dark. When light returns it is half its previous intensity.

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER.: I caught her. Kissed away her argument. Till she returned the kiss. Just like a rape victim she learned to enjoy the force......All men want to be me. I have such a charming smile. WHIP CRACK AWAY WHIP CRACK AWAY WHIP CRACK AWAY.....What is happening to me?

Light goes out and then returns in an intense neon glare.

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: I DON’T NEED ANY HELP.

He is silent in the emptiness.

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: I am the God. I am the God. You never questioned me. You never questioned me.....It’s alright though they liked it. It’s alright though they liked it....Forcing yourself is wrong unless they like it....Unless they like......I don’t need any.....I don’t need any help.....No help needed.....Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you.....

The darkness has returned.

MAN IN GLASSES: I don’t need your help.

Lights appear, his glasses are broken, his face has been crisscrossed with lacerations.

MAN IN GLASSES: I have never ever been able to look like you. I have never been able to talk like you. I have never been able to fuck like you, kick like you, lie like you. We all have to accept our lot one day, some day, two day, three day, four, why have you turned up at my door.

In the shadows:

INDIANA JONES: I was never a bad person.

MAN IN GLASSES: I know.

In the audience:

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: I was never a bad person.

MAN IN GLASSES: Liar.

SOME WOMAN: Can I have a part in this?

ALL THE MEN: NO!

SOME WOMAN.:Can I have a part in this?

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: NO!

INDIANA JONES: No!

MAN IN GLASSES: Well....

SOME WOMAN: Can I have a part in this?

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: NO!

INDIANA JONES: Listen honey, you cover your back and I’ll cover mine.

MAN IN GLASSES: Look....this doesn’t concern you.....it’s....it’s to do with us....really it is...look I’m sorry.....

SOME WOMAN:Can I have a part in this?

INDIANA BLADE RUNNER: I’ll kiss you if you say that again....you’ll fight at first but you’ll come to love it.

INDIANA JONES: I LOVE MY FATHER (but I hardly ever mention mum and when I do its an image of her....where is she....who is she...?)

MAN IN GLASSES: IT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU. I’M SORRY.

Darkness. A Voice in the darkness:

ROGERS: We used to put the story around the songs, match them up. Songs came first and we could fill up the plot with a load of crap. Then later we realised that a good way to get good songs was to come up with a good story. Good songs came out of a good story.

INDIANA JONES: I never had any songs.

ROGERS: You are a song. We sing you in our dreams. We are all catching your hats. Whipping your whip. Sliding in your dust. Smiling your smile.

INDIANA JONES: I never had any songs.

Lights.

MAN IN GLASSES: You are a song. We sing you in our dreams. Rolling with you. Facing death with you. You make us want to be better men. Better at being men. You make us want to be heroes.

INDIANA JONES: I never had any songs.

MAN IN GLASSES: You are a song. I sing you in my dreams.

INDIANA JONES: “Da da da da do not forsake me”

MAN IN GLASSES: Where has my mirror gone?

INDIANA JONES: “Fly me to the moon.....

MAN IN GLASSES:...and let me play amongst the stars.”

Darkness. Roll of thunder. Roll of drums. The music starts. TONIGHT'S PERFORMANCE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. Curtain rises. Spotlight:

INDIANA JONES: Fuck off home, I’m too tired.

The curtain falls.

You can e-mail David here