Gifts of Grace: The First GSW Spirituality Gathering

by Andrea Kitt

	This subtle but vital shift of perspective summed up succinctly my experience of the first Gestalt and Spirituality weekend. For me the whole event was surrounded by a sense of Grace. It was an important landmark on my path, and both the preparation for it and the aftermath felt highly significant and gave me the sense that I have once in a while of being carried along and given gifts: as if I have made all the effort, and now the path has taken a downhill turn and all I have to do is enjoy the ride. I was late. I had got it into my head that the whole weekend started later than it did. On Friday lunchtime when the truth dawned on me, I threw a few things into a bag and bombed down the M5, making the distance in record time: but although I was bombing and panicking and cursing myself for being so stupid, because a friend of mine had the day before guided me through several hours of valuable deep breathing exercises, I decided to "keep breathing". For the first time in years I had the refreshing experience of enjoying the heartfelt richness of life coursing through me whilst the business of driving and the complex panorama of vehicles, buildings and countryside rushing past me were merely "stuff out there'. It felt like the right perspective: the journey had begun. I reached Hawkwood College (still breathing deeply), locked the car, and raced up the driveway. Incredibly, I had arrived just in time for the first small group meetings of the day. In this way at least I had come in at the beginning. As I sat down and began listening to people introduce themselves, the feeling of life energy in my chest began to melt into one of love. I was feeling very centred and detached - not in a cold way but in a way that made me much bolder, because I had a strong sense of who I was: I could feel it, physically. Who I was responded warmly to who everyone else was, and yet also felt very happy just to be. I got that familiar feeling of a faster heartbeat and I began to speak. I love to speak about spirit: it makes me glow. And I was already beginning to enjoy being with these people. There was an atmosphere of well-grounded honesty and openness which, combined with just a touch of, "What is this all about - what are we doing here?'", seemed to create the necessary humility for a truly wonderful exploration. When the big group reconvened after supper I introduced myself and apologized for my lateness, and then feeling still rather fresh and breezy and full of just-arrived enthusiasm I sang a little song to all sixty of them. However, my voice was more wobbly than I had hoped and nobody responded, so I wished afterwards that I could have crawled under my chair and disappeared. But the following night, when everyone knew each other better and was more relaxed, I was asked to sing it again - which I was glad of because this time it came out rich and steady, and other people joined in. Again I had the feeling that the days prior to the weekend had been the perfect preparation. I was so glad to have this little gift to give, the 'Song to the Inner Child' which I had only learnt a few days before and which seemed to sum up the whole reason for therapy, for compassion... How could anyone ever tell you you were anything less than beautiful? How could anyone ever tell you you were less than whole? How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle? How deeply you're connected to my soul. Other people had many gifts: quotes, stories, songs, poems and chants. There was meditation, drumming and dancing all going on between one meeting and the next. And if you were feeling less socially inclined there were lovely walks through the woods and up the hills overlooking Laurie Lee's green and homely landscape. The main group was conducted somewhat like a Quaker Meeting, in that there was silence until someone felt moved to speak. It amused me how shy some of these brave, expressive people became when faced with a situation in which the 'rules' were only just being invented. There was a lingering religiousness around the edge of things that seemed to make people feel they should be a little less true to themselves than usual - some sort of an unwritten 'ought ' around extra long silences and only talking on certain subjects, some of which was valid, but some of which felt slightly fearful and confused. This seemed to reach a peak on Saturday night when the latter part of the meeting involved people lighting candles - for loved ones, for peace, for particular areas of human suffering - and either passing them round the circle or placing them in the centre (We sat around the edges of the hall). This went on far beyond the 'finishing time', yet somehow everyone felt obliged to stay, as if they should be reverent towards some vague, unwritten holy law. Finally one individual after another made their excuses, and at last Malcolm declared the meeting closed. But afterwards nearly everyone I spoke to grumbled about how long it had gone on and how they had wanted to leave much earlier... Whatever happened to those assertive Gestaltists?! Our little group was visited by a number of ' guests.' The first was an Irish priest - Des Kennedy - who stirred everyone into lively discussion by talking about sin. He showed us some prayer postures: positions in which to hold one's body -in an attitude of: humility, waiting, welcome, offering (the self and then the universe), blessing, and finally jubilation. Each person's experience of being in these postures was, of course, a little different. I felt particularly attuned to the humility and the blessing. The three other 'guests' we had in our small group were Judith Hemming - whom I was very happy to meet as I hadn't done so before - and the light and lovely Sally Denham-Vaughan, and Malcolm Parlett, who let us choose angel cards and devil cards and talk about our findings in pairs, and then again in groups of four or five. The general atmosphere in the 'quarters' was one of lively interaction, sometimes verging on a piece of psychotherapeutic work but never quite getting that far... However I certainly felt safe enough to express what I felt, and sometimes to be emotional, because there was a general sense of non-judgmental holding. During one lunchtime as I joined in a Five Rhythms dancing group, a new friend of mine had her earphones on and was sketching the magnificent view outside the window in incredibly vibrant pastel colours. I asked her later if I might take the picture home. Just as the breathing and the song had felt like gifts I took with me to the weekend, this picture felt like a gift that I took away. In fact it felt like a very important symbol for a new beginning: a life in which I feel just that one step more sure of myself, more happy on my path, more satisfyingly connected with others. Since I got home I have painted my living room rich, royal blue, bought some amazingly colourful batik wall hangings from Bali - and have started to see my first client. This article first appeared in the GSW Newsletter 33, Spring 2000
Ecstatically down to earth Val Bell
I felt, "These are my people!"
What is insufficient for some is a surfeit for others Judith Gregory
Spirituality grounded in the everyday Jackie Hayes