J.H. Sullivan's Classroom Gems

During a teaching career spanning some 3 decades, my father collected more than a hundred howlers submitted unwittingly by his pupils. Here is just a selection:- (The complete set, 114 in all, can be viewed at our son Neil's Home Page)

1	Question: "Who is the first person who must be notified when a child is born?" Answer: "The mother."
2	"Breast is France's largest navel port."
3	"The lady we are staying with tacks us to the beech every morning."
4	(from an essay about Florence Nightingale) "She was known as the 'Lady with the Lamp' to the soldiers as she moved in and out of the beds of the sick and wounded men."
5	"A real gentleman is a man who raises his hat when he passes a lady also a real gentle man is a man who always gets washed up stairs and does not sleep with his wife."
6	"Who is Sylvia is a very nice song, and is about a person who asks another person Who is Sylvia? What is she that all are swains command her, and the other person replies holley fair and wise is she the heavens such graze did lend her, That adored she might be that adored she might and when this person had heard all this he wished he had not asked."
7	(Shylock): "This was the name of a very great detective called Shylock Holmes."
8	Question: (in 1947, when British currency was still Pounds, Shillings and Pence, or £sd):

A train travels 28 miles in 35 minutes. How long will it take to travel 36 miles? (Pounds, shillings and pence? Stick with me, it'll become clear!)

Answer:

	A train travels 28 mls in 35 mins
	Thus, in 36 miles a train takes 35 x 36/28 mls

=	35 x 36 4
	28 7
=	35 x 4
	7
=	140
	7
=	20
	7
=	2 6/7
=	£2 6s 7d.

9	"When Cromwell died his eyesight started failing him and he had a hard time trying to write."
10	"A light-year is a year measured in miles."
11	Letter from a parent:
12	"The dissolution of the monasteries took place because of the Pope's power in England and because he couldn't get a divorce from his wife."
13	Teacher in class: "At the beginning of the Boer War the Boers outnumbered the British by 2 to 1 and should have won."
	Child's version later: "At the beginning of the Boer War the Boers should have won but they lost 2-1."
14	Question: "Name a person who was beheaded."
	Answer: "Ambilin."

And the last word from the children . . .

15	"In the 19th century, schools were built for the employees' children. The teachers were the elderly and the sick. This carries on today . . . ."

. . . the last word, that is, until now. We were looking through
some old family papers recently and discovered these excerpts
from children's writings. We think my father had set the
class an exercise to observe and then write about their teacher.
Boy, did he reap the whirlwind!

16	"Our teaters name is Mr Sulivan, he is a nice man with gray heir, he lookes about 30 and smoks apipe."

17	"Our teacher is Mr Sullivan, he has black hair with gray in it, his age is round about 39 and his voice is enough to wack the dead."

18	"My teacher's is called Mr Sullivan. Which I dont think he acks like a teacher. His hair is brown with a few grey hairs. he is an oldish looking man about 30. Ive noticed he smokes a pipe."

19	"our teacher name is mr Sullivan he is a man of about 30 with back hair and blue eyes he is only a small fellow but he has a voice as loud as the devle himself."

20	"Are teacher is a man he has black hir wavey and he is small. Wene he chowt at us we down lack him wene he dossent we lick him. I lick the schoal my-self I downt lick sume of the pepole in it tho."

21	"There are twenty six children in our class threequarters of them are blank and hopless at least Mr Sullivan thinks so."

		Return to Top
		Return to Home Page.